Young People Telling Their Stories
We thank these young peole who have had the courage to speak out and tell their story, it will long inspire Save to keep working on violence prevention and encourage others to speak out against violence.
If you are a victim of violence please speak out
Tremain's story
Tremain Mikaere grew up in a Once Were Warriors family.
"My father's violence knew no bounds. He'd do whatever it took to hurt us children, punch us with fists, smash us with bottles, kick us, whack us with sticks or belts. He beat the living daylights out of us - not for anything.
"Every payday he'd get drunk and bring home all his friends - a lot of strange men, just like in Once Were Warriors. "By the time I was a teenager I had so much anger built up in me - I couldn't just have a wash and wash it off. I did everything that was wrong, just to stand out." He met his partner when he was 17 and she was 15, she was 16 when their first son was born.
"I wasn't violent in my marriage before our son was born. It soon changed. The only comparison I had was my father going off his rocker, so I'd go off my rocker and then I knew from him you just go hard and fast and smash everything in your way. "It was sheer rage. I'd blow up over anything, it didn't need much."
The change from a violent life came for Tremain through his reconnection with his Māori culture and a wonderful mentor. "They say violence begets violence. I could see the circle right in front of my face and I could see that I had the opportunity of changing it.
"What was I going to do - walk away and let what I had been through happen to other children? Or was I going to be what I call ‘man-up enough' so that I could show the kids ‘I was like you and there's a way out'?"
He learned Māori and started doing social work, facilitating men's stopping violence programmes and working with Women's Refuge.
Tremain is now one of the It's not OK Campaign violence free champions.
"I'm just so sad that I couldn't have lived this life I live now when I was younger. It takes so much self-healing to know it wasn't your fault, to know that you are all right and that there are things you can offer to others, that there is hope out there even though you think there isn't.
"I keep my family close to me all the time because they are my monitors. They're not scared of me any more. That's the legacy I've left for my grandchildren."
15 year old boy
all my life I have been hurt by my brother, but it was never considered family violence because it was just brothers fighting.
for me it was more than that and led to me trying to kill myself because I couldnt handle always trying to fight back when I could never win, I though doing something like that would open his eyes but it didnt all he said to me was "why the fuck would you put us through that you selfish pric"
speaking about this makes me feel like a loser because everyone else puts up with it to.
I visit your website heaps and read your stuff it just helps to know there are other people my age who dont like violence.
I never want help just support, its pretty hard to deal with sometimes and I just wish he would understand he makes everyone believe that we are just play fighting but when I look into his eyes he is really angry thanks save
14 year old girl
Violence never seems to make things more simple. In fact, it tends to make things more complicated. It also never seems to hurt only one person. It affects the family of the victims, it also affects the victim, but in a more serious and physical way, to see someone you love so beat up breaks your heart.
I personally know that. I watched my Dad beat my Mum up and it was horrible. To see someone you’re supposed to love, beat up the person who brought you into this world, and the person you love most, is horrible. It breaks your heart, and sticks with you your whole life. To have to run away and not be able to do anything is worse. The feeling is indescribable, it’s the worst feeling.
Waking up the next morning seeing the person you love so much, so bruised and cut up, and knowing you just sat there so terrified to even move, tears you apart. Each time you watch it, it just takes away every little bit of hope you have. To think how scared you were listening and watching it, you can’t even imagine just how terrified the person who had to sit there and take it all was, too broken-hearted and unenergised to even fight back.
Hearing your Mother cry every night and just imagining the tears rolling down her face, well you don’t know what to do except cry alongside with her. You don’t know quite what to say, not wanting to make them more upset, yet you feel bad for saying nothing at all.
I remember being too afraid to sleep at night, and trying to count sheep. It never seems to work. Or I would sit there all night, just thinking about what had happened that day, or what could possibly happen. Would Dad show up or not, and I knew Mum was just sitting there thinking the same.
It’s horrible to think that I’m supposed to love that man for the rest of my life, after what he done to my Mum and what he put me and my sister through. It’s really difficult to. What he done will stay with me the rest of my life.
NOTE The pictures on this page have no connection to the person in the story, the stories are all raw content and have not been edited
Save was given permission to publish these stories
